We're Sorry, You Have Dialed an Unnumbered List. Or the MPD. I Forget Which.
Scribbled on Eighthday, Fifthmonth, 2002 Post Cataclysm at about 20 Minutes toward some other hou
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hello again, loyal fans! I don't have a lot of time to get this entry up, so I'm gonna be brief. Though this one, especially, I WILL DEFINTELY be updating later.

This page is/will be linked to from the Index page and I am asking for input from all 2 of you readers. Basically, the deal is this--a couple of Lists, currently all my own, are gonna be put up. I'll add more as I concoct/remember them, and when you folks leave a note or an email with some of your own, I'll add them too, and give you credit for it. Example.

23: This is my example! (Contributed by Bob Dole)

Alright, so without further adieu, absolutely nothing! (Bad pun here for anyone astute enough to notice it.)

First, the list of Things To Do In A Restaurant

-Demand in a loud and irritating voice that the radio station be changed. Every fifteen seconds.

-Slurp loudly. Even if you have a hamburger.

-Build extremely large scale creamer structures. Scream in agony every time they fall over. Refuse any advice to build smaller structures.

-Order for your friend, Boscoe. The waiter will assume that you have a friend coming. They don't realize that the invisible Boscoe is already there. Berate Boscoe for not touching his food. Alternately, send Boscoe's food back, along with his complaints that it 'simply wasn't suitable'

-Whenever anyone leaves anything on their plates, mutter loud enough for them to hear, about world hunger and the children in third-world countries. Glare at them accusingly.

-Launch your waffle onto the ceiling. Pray to it.

-Demand that your belgian waffle be served with a belgian accent, your french toast in French, and your Lemon Merangue Pie in some bizarre language nobody has heard of.

-Ask to be served by Frank. When you are refused, bitch constantly to your server about everything he/she does. State loudly that "Frank would never have had to have been told that." If you are actually served by Frank, insist that he take his coffee break, and sit down with you to catch up. If you actually KNOW Frank, use a different name.

-Leave coded messages in the remnants of your meal.

-Nibble on everything on your plate. Everything on your neighbors' plates. The plate itself. The waitress' earlobe. (Bonus points if you can pull this one off without rebuff!)

-Ask for a Flopper. When asked to elaborate, answer in an exasperated voice that it is a combination Dairy Queen Flurry and Burger King Whopper. Refuse to leave until served it. Take pictures, and compare and contrast the results from different restaurants in a study. Submit the results to Maxim magazine.

-Chew with your mouth open. especially if you have coffee.

-If you are a Christian, do like many annoying people and leave Jesus Cards with your tip.

-If you are more open-minded, do like a very small number of disturbed and paranoid people, and leave little Satan Cards with your tip.

-Ask for a seperate bill for EACH ITEM you ordered, including that side of gravy. Insist on paying for them all with a single Credit/Debit card transaction

-Ask for bizarre substitutions, such as strawberry jelly instead of your baked potato, or a milkshake poured over your fries rather than gravy. If you keep to the "lesser cost" rule, you may actually get some of your orders. Take pictures, and send them into local newspapers or magazines for reviews.

-Order your steak extremely Well Done. Bitch constantly about your order taking too long. When it arrives, send it back to be cooked more thoroughly, and berate them for it.

-If they have those straws wrapped in paper "for your protection," collect as many as you can, cut one end off, and put them all in your mouth at once. Blow, scattering them all over the restaurant.

-Make coffee rounds.

-Lead the restaurant in the Lord's Prayer, the national anthem, or Happy Birthday.

-Insist on staying afterwards to help clean up.

-Leave an enormous tip--I work in a restaurant now, and you never know when I might be your server.

-when they ask if you want any pepper say yes and don't tell them to stop..after 5 minutes tell them to stop...and a minute later say "waiter there's too much pepper in my food." (Contributed by elroy 744)

-Just don't tell them to stop. Period. -Side note: What the hell is the point of those little kids running around in the fancy restaurants with the pepper grinders? Are rich folk too feeble and stupid to add their own damn pepper from a state-of-the-art NORMAL shaker?

~love the 'things to do in a resturant' list. thanks heavens only a few of those have happened to me!! :-D anyway, here's one for ya: "order regular coffee. when the waitstaff member brings it, ask to make sure that it's decaf. when they tell you it's regular, demand decaf. infact, insist that they brew a new pot just for you! when the decaf coffee arrives, ask to make sure it's regular. repeat until the server beans you with his or her tray." (which actually happened--save for the part about beaning the jerk...err, customer--to a friend of mine saturday. aiiieee.) great diary, btw.~ ~pantherchild

You Know You're Addicted To EverCrack When...

-You throw rocks at the school bully and then run away screaming "Train to zone!"

-You put your change into a coin purse and then look puzzled when the weight doesn't reduce.

-You have trouble distinguishing whether somebody is drunk or simply speaking in Ogrish.

-You become convinced that you can heal somebody who is dying of poison or sickness if only you can get your hands on enough bandages.

-You've ever wandered the street naked, begging for "a SoW for a corpse run." Bonus points if this has gotten you a frightened look from a pig farmer.

-You run everywhere you go, puzzled whenever you run out of breath.

-You run around town taking pictures of everything, and muttering "taking a screenshot" under your breath.

-Your first instinct when meeting someone who speaks a different language is A) to speak in "emote" mode or B) to sit down with eachother and speak rapidly in your native tongue, expecting them to do the same.

-When carrying more than one of something, you find it strange that the extra ones carry their own weight.

A 17lb lake trout, in your mind, ought to weigh 1.7 pounds.

Out hunting, you shoot a deer. Instead of dragging it off to field dress it, you sit down to camp the spawn.

In your history class, your teacher puts you into groups of five to do a project on slavery. You a)inform her that a group of six gets a bonus to their marks, and b)shout "Train to Canada!" at random intervals.

You sit at the bottom of an escalator, and every time someone is almost to the top, you press the button to reverse it, then run off giggling, only to return once they're on their way back up again.

You think of your father, boss, or principal as your guild leader.

You've ever turned down dessert because you have to watch your monkish figure

You have a dog named Jason's Warder, or Jebaner

You take riding lessons and find yourself eating ten times as much as you normally do

You're terrified to sit down because you'll get "green aggro."

You've ever collapsed, exhausted, but waved it off, saying you'll be fine as soon as you get a few minutes to med

Looking for something in a department store, you've ever shouted for a loc

You can set up a camp site in 30 seconds flat

*Pads off to register BeautifulDreamer.diaryland.com and Stickytunes.diaryland.com* *Finds the former unusable, switches you yourdreams.diaryland.com*

While the graphics are down, rather than give a Forward and Back text link, I'll just give you a link to the Older Entries page, which will get you from A to B until graphics are back.