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Scribbled on 13 August, 2007 at about 8:46 p.m.
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I feel like I'm just patching holes in a sinking boat.

And I'm never going to get to land it anywhere. In the long run, I suppose this is for the better. I've thought along these lines--dark hedge mazes, you once called them--often enough to have realized a few things.
I'm pretty sure the day I start actually getting my entire life organized is the time to start worrying about me. Once I have everything figured out, the only things left to set straight will be my death. After all, life is the only thing that separates us from it and, well, once I have all the holes patched up in my life I'll finally be able to dedicate time to making sure my belongings and farewells are dispatched to where they need to be. And if I get that done?
Well, everybody has that odd urge to just jerk the wheel and take their car off the bridge. Everybody's had that split second where they've wondered just what would happen if they swam just as far down in the lake as they could go and passed out there from the lack of oxygen. If you knew that everything afterwards would fit your definition of 'okay,' this would be less of an urge and more of a whim.
No, this post isn't a suicide note. Like I said, I have too many holes to patch up first, and I'm just not very good at patching them. I've got some years in my stream yet.
I'm not done moving around yet. This'll be the fifth and sixth times this year--I've been caught in the middle of somebody else's drama and have two weeks left to find and move into another place. Which means, of course, that I don't get any "first of the month" things and my options are severely limited, and I'm going to wind up in some shithole while I find somewhere better. So far I really don't have anything picked out even within those constraints.
Meh. I had a whole bunch more I wanted to say here, some of it whimsical, some of it humorous, and a bit more of it complaining. I'm discovering I'm just not peppy and caffeinated enough to manage that.
In summary for now, I'm still erratically online and poorly communicative.
I'm sorry I've been so lax in talking with those who are important to me. I've just not had enough motivation for...well..honestly, I've just been very motivated period.
Somewhere in here, underneath all my junk, I'm still here.

While the graphics are down, rather than give a Forward and Back text link, I'll just give you a link to the Older Entries page, which will get you from A to B until graphics are back.